Will you inculcate will or leave it behind on a piece of paper?

When we talk of a will (legal document that is used to indicate the distribution of assets after your death), whom are we exactly keeping in mind? Our children right? Not our distant kith and kin. It’s most often our own children. Of course there are exceptions. But I want to limit my thoughts around the normal circumstances, and that is mostly about our own children.

What are we exactly scared of? We are scared of the feuds that our children might get into trying to decide who should have which piece of asset / property.

Or may be we are not scared, but we just want to avoid any such unnecessary troubles to them out of love and concern for them. We want things to be easy for them, rather more sorted out for them. We have heard of countless instances of animosity between siblings, court battles and what not. When a simple will document could have avoided them all, then why not?

If your children are well prepared, would you worry?

My kids have cleared their prelims and would soon be called for interview as part of the IAS selection process. They have prepared well and have a positive state of mind. My friends asked me to go over to an acquaintance in the interview panel. I didn’t feel the need to step in. I have faith and confidence in my kids. I have guided them in their preparations. I am confident they will do well. And I am also confident that in an eventuality of not being selected, they know how to accept it and move forward.

I as a father am the only parent for my 3 kids. I have suddenly received an out of state assignment. My friends asked me if my kids would need any help with arranging for food on daily basis. I was glad they asked, but my kids don’t need such help. They know how to cook their food. I have taught my kids how to prepare food. They manage their kitchen well. They help each other and get along happily.

My daughter. I love her a lot. she wants to become a part of the district level cricket team. Her selections are going to happen very soon. She is definitely not good with the bat or even with the ball. But she wants to get into the team. I haven’t paid much attention to her training. In the end, I was left with no choice but to go over and speak to a person I was introduced to in the selection committee. I have actually assured him an awesome gift, provided my daughter gets into the team. I am now assured that she will get selected.

My son is in his teens now. He is all the time on his laptop playing games and networking on social media platforms. He is a smart chap. Me and my wife are both on night duty. So we are mostly asleep during the day. We are not very confident of our son. He is lost in his digital world. He is not mindful of the front door. He forgets to close it many times. We have now appointed a security guard. That will allow us to sleep in peace. Wish we had inculcated some responsibility and mindfulness in our child. We then wouldn’t have to spend additionally for the guard.

Well, we have to take to shortcuts and outsourced approaches when we are not prepared. I have tried to illustrate them in the above examples.

I find that resorting to a will (legal document) is something similar. It is essentially that we are not confident that our children can handle the issue themselves amicably.

Our concern is not unwarranted. If we have not invested enough in inculcating their will, inner will to adhere to truth and righteousness, then, of course we have to be worried and resort to the paper will.

Reflect deeply, don’t we have that much confidence in our own children whom we love and endear so much? But where from this confidence can arise from? It can come only from our effort in preparation and education.

It is only when we have not spent enough time and effort to build their inner will, that we need a paper will.

I would instead say, invest in inculcating their inner will and leave the rest for them to figure out. Be bothered about preparing them for such and other tough decisions and not solving things for them. If all that we have done is put them to school, bought them stuff, caressed them and have had fun with them, then ofcourse we will also be left with no choice but a paper will. This will only reflect as to how poor parents we have been. We haven’t cared truly for them, all along we have just benefitted by their presence and done stuff for our well being.

Paper wills are easy and quick. It’s like assuring a gift to the selection committee member. It’s like appointing a security guard to look after the front door. It’s the result of ignoring true parenting.

Rather invest time in inculcating inner will. Develop in them the values of justice and compassion. In the end you should have such confidence in their character that u don’t feel the need for a paper will.

Rest, what happens after your death, leave it for them to face it, learn from it and grow forward.

Think about this?

Paper will or inner will? Make a choice today and work towards it.