Sometimes its necessary to get straight to the point, however hard and blunt it may sound.
It is the mother who undergoes all the struggle, pain and labour to give birth to a child. What is the fathers role in giving birth to a new child. Only intercourse.
The mother goes through the struggle not for just 9 months, she goes through it for about 275 days. No, she goes through it for 6570 hours. No, she goes through it for 3,94,200 minutes. Everyday would seem different. Ever hour would be new. Every minute is a different experience until new the life is finally welcomed into the world.
And yet, the woman is not given due respect and decision making authority for her own children through out their life. Forget through out her life, she is not given this freedom and respect even for 275 days in her entire life ahead.
Giving birth to a child means declaring to God that you are ready to do his role on earth. Giving birth is not an accidental outcome of intercourse. Its not an unintended outcome. There is niether sin nor shame in this act. It is an extremely sacred act. It is how you and I came here, it is how more will come through you and this is how it happens throughout the world and forever. It is designed to happen so.
The Cosmic force, God, Supreme Energy, whatever you want to call it, respects your readiness of responsibility and lets the creation of life happen through the communion of the mother and the father (to be). New life come through the union of man and woman and not from them. Think about this.
Having thus given birth, what is your vision for the child? When you make decisions about the childs school, dress, sports, toys, food, facilities, movies, places, etc what goes on in your mind? Are you making these decisions with a vision? Are you deciding based on what your wallet permits or what the vision dictates?
By no means, you need to decide what the child should or should not be in life. That is an outcome and it is unique to each child. But the outcome always depends on the foundation.
If you need to construct a 100 storey building viz a viz a 2 storey building, what will be the difference in the depth of the foundation? This is a common sense question and hence needs no elaboration.
When I speak of vision for your child, I am not asking you to decide now as to what your child should become, like doctor, engineer, architect, navy officer, artist, chef, sportsperson, spiritual leaer, et al. I am only asking as to what is your vision for the foundation of your child? How strong, how solid, how deeply rooted, how broad do you want your childs foundation to be so that later in life he/she can have the strength, power, confidence to dream an outcome of his/her choice.
What forms part of the foundation in a childs development? This is something that parents have to spend time with each other to discuss, reflect and introspect. One must reflect on the lives of great men and women for this. This must be a deliberate effort. Parenting is never intuitive. Just by giving birth one does not become a good mother or a good father.
What does this critical internal foundation entail? What is the role of the parents in this? How to work towards it?
Lets understand this with a few examples.
Ravi Kumar Dahiya was taught wrestling. Its techniques, its moves, the body needed, the endurance that this sport demands. The decision to continue the bout was his, his decision of grit, his decision of pride, his spirit to endure and fight through. The force and strength came from his underlying unseen foundation. (the foundation within).
Chanu Saikhom Mirabai was taught weight lifting. She was coached, she was trained, she was given all the necessary practice. But her decision to first express gratitude to all those truck drivers and others who were just doing what they do every day for a living, her decision to honour them with gratitude, was her’s, it came from within her, from the unseen foundation. (the foundation within).
Whether we put effort or not, this foundation gets shaped and built for every child. One needs to pay attention to this closely. I repeat, it gets formed, shaped and built with or without deliberate efforts.
If the parents dont plan, prepare and provide for with deliberate efforts, then it will get shaped by society around. We do know what happens to an empty plot of land in any city. If there is no effort to maintain it, then anything grows there, sooner or later, somebody comes and occupies that land and even dares to claim onwership of it. Sometimes they even produce paper work to prove it (saying this from personal experience). If we are lucky, it gets converted to just a dumping ground for waste from the locality around.
This is the risk. If there is no deliberate attempt, then it is shaped, formed and built by society around the child. You can never control what the foundation would be in such a scenario.
Dear Parents, having taken the pledge to bring a new life into the world, take the responsibility to nurture the child. Mothers and Fathers must invest time and effort in this. If they are unable to transition to this role naturally, they should not feel ashamed about having to seek help and guidance for this.
Thank you for reading this.
I am not a parent. I dont have a child. I am just an observer of life and its ways. I observe, think, reflect and express my thoughts. If you find it useful, great. Else, please forget and delete it from your inbox.